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I wrote you a song! (slightly plagiarized from Eminem)
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Jared Whitham please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Jared Whitham please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..
Y'all act like you never seen a Florida person before
Jaws all on the floor like Julie Fab, like Cotts just burst in the door
and started whoopin her ass worse than before
they first were divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Mitch Taylor said... nothing you idiots!
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Zac Davis {*vocal turntable:
chigga chigga chigga*} "Jared Whitham, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Maigen Channel don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes {*SLURP*}
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope (in a camper van shaped like a spaceship that's dope!)
{*EWWW!*} But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Wo/men wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes
Chorus: Jared Whitham/Eminem (repeat 2X)
I'm Jared Whitham, yes I'm the Jared Whitham
All you other Jared Whithams are just imitating
So won't the real Jared Whitham please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
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juliefabulous
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